The Difference Between Blame and Accountability

Things happen. Mistakes are made. But the difference between blame and accountability is an important distinction for healthy leadership and management. This article strives to bring helpful insight into how communication and confrontation can be approached from a healthy perspective.

Anytime a leader discovers something that has a significant negative impact on the organization, it is their responsibility to lead their team towards bringing resolution. Identify. Understand. Resolve. But how that’s done can either be out of ‘blame and control’ or ‘responsibility and honor.’

Who do I hold responsible for this mistake?

As a person who’s had responsibility for and leadership over others throughout my life, I understand and accept a very simple principle: “All success is shared; all failure is the leader’s responsibility.” The ‘leader’ can be any leader along the chain of command, all the way down to the bottom-rung employee leading him/herself.

It’s less important to find out who failed and far more important to understand what happened, why it happened, and what we can do to both resolve the issue and put in place a plan to hopefully keep it from happening again.

In a healthy culture, the person(s) who failed will own their mistake, humbly admit their failure, and be a helpful part of the solution.

I don’t fire people for making mistakes; I fire them for making the same mistakes repeatedly.

Don’t make those mistakes again; next time, make better mistakes based on what you’ve learned.

We all have relational patterns we must understand.

Every relationship is characterized by either ‘blame and control’ or it is marked by ‘responsibility and honor.’ For example, blame and control say ‘what they did makes me angry, and I can’t help that it infuriates me.’ This wrong implies we believe that we are not okay because of someone else’s choices. You are solely responsible for your actions and your reactions. Blame and control rob the potential for a healthy relationship.

Empowering others is the opposite of shaming others.

We all desire to be a part of a culture of honor and empowerment. It’s why we hear so much about companies like Zappos, where culture is their big #1, or Netflix, a firm which promotes freedom & responsibility because it leads to how they do business, how they value customers, and how they are profitable. These organizations have a culture of honor. They empower employees far beyond their pay grade.

When rules and outcomes are more important than relationship and learning, we empower rejection and shame, which leads to a repeated relational pattern of blame and control.

Putting healthy relationship dynamics ahead of the job does not abdicate responsibility or ownership — it empowers both.

Empowerment happens by giving options and allowing others to make choices. Through relational honor, empowerment is not directive, but encouraging and supportive. If, after being given encouragement, support, and options others continue to make poor choices, then an honoring discussion — free of shame — provides new sets of choices. If the poor behavior continues and the other person still doesn’t respond with healthy actions, then the discussion turns to whether this person understands that their choices can lead to them choosing not to stay employed.

When leaders lead well, it’s never about ensuring compliance; it’s about empowering a healthy relationship. An employee in a blame and control culture may comply, but they cannot work in a healthy way.

Compliance says: “Do what you’re told to avoid negative consequences.”

A healthy relationship says: “Do work that honors my leaders.”

Compliance says: “If I find a loophole, I have a way out.”

A healthy relationship says: “I desire to exceed expectations for the benefit of others.”

Compliance says: “I better be rewarded for my extra effort.”

A healthy relationship says: “I am delighted to give extra, and I know my authority will protect my time and support me.”

You risk much when you empower people to lead, but you risk everything when you lead out of blame and control. When we leave behind blame and control and embrace responsibility and honor, we open the door to healthy work and personal relationships.

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