Growing up as a kid born in the 1970’s, I didn’t know the way I was raised was part of a system with a label and a worldview: Patriarchy.

And so I was nurtured to believe that a young boy and, later, a young man: didn’t cry, didn’t let his true feelings show, was to be tough before and above everything else.

That’s what was exampled for me and taught to me, a guy who has big feelings, has tears flow more readily than my female spouse, and has learned that empathy is not a weakness but a superpower.

To unlearn is the beginning of true learning.

To ask “Why?” and “Why not?” about the topic, not the person sharing their thoughts on the topic.

To be curious instead of judgmental.

To question if the status quo is really worth maintaining.

And to question our motives with the litmus test of “What if it’s not?” and genuinely answer that question which goes against what we think or have been taught so that we can try and understand a different perspective.

Part of the value of being 53 years young, as I am as of the writing of this article, is the ability to learn and lead with empathy and data. Not either/or but both/and. To hold space for those who don’t yet believe the data and wisdom of change away from command and control to servant leadership. Because it’s not enough to have the data to help others think differently until you have the stories of change, lessons learned, and outcomes realized that demonstrates something a chart or graph alone never will: the impact on people within that span of care.

I don’t have all the answers; but I do have much better questions precisely because I’ve learned what not to do and how to unlearn the patterns and programming that kept me from being fully Anthony for and with others.

I hope you will also consider how you can be fully you inside of the organizations, systems, and processes that currently keep us from truly better outcomes for others.

What say you?